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Death is devastating in all of its many shapes and forms. The death of a relationship, death of feelings, death of a beloved family member. We all go through it, it’s the common bond that all humans face and eventually have to deal with. How we handle it varies as well. Some choose to put their feelings out for the world to see and others deal with it in privacy. I am one of those people who’d rather deal with it in privacy. Matter of fact; one of my Facebook friends Shan Shimmey dropped a post about it, but the topic is so sensitive no one hardly responded. When it comes to death, I’d rather write about it or contemplate on the wondrous future that is in store for the end of it. According to scripture death is simply an unconscious state of sleep that will soon be eliminated.

With the unfortunate result of death is also the propensity for “family” to come “together” during that time. Let me be the first to say that it bothers me. It bothers me because people chose who they want to build their happy memories with, but with the sad ones sometimes its perceived as not a choice, with sayings looming like “We need to be together during this time” or “We need to come together” and then after the funeral the dreaded promise “We are going to get together more.” Why does death have to bring up the reunion of ties that have already been severed? Why can’t families embrace each other through the good times and bad? The answer is simple and this does not mean ALL families but they’d rather say I made it to the funeral, I was there, I supported so and so. It’s all for show and if it’s not, excuse me, but why isn’t the family united BEFORE the death. spending time with one another, loving each other, expressing forgiveness through ACTIONS or a simple apology? The understanding of it all is illusive to me.

Hopefully the beloved one that is resting has established a relationship with each family member and it brings closure to the grief stricken. I know I’ve made my peace in one shape or another with those that have been called to rest. And I don’t expect to be judged for feeling as though my involvement stopped there. I was groomed this way although I’ve tried to make amends, it hasn’t fallen on receptive ears. But I do know my Nana’s favorite color, her favorite food, I respect her strong religious convictions, (she too believed in a resurrection and that death is merely a state of sleep), in addition I even know who her favorite child was. One thing’s for sure, it won’t bother me anyway because I am the one who has to deal with it on my conscience and that has never stopped me from growing. She will truly be missed.

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Share your thoughts on coping with death and how your family deals with it? Is your family united before death, when was the last family reunion you attended? Feel free to leave your comments; top right.

xoxo, Kanesha

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